This is amazing book. "Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It" by Chris Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator, offers a new approach to negotiation. Unlike traditional strategies that focus on rational arguments and compromise, Voss emphasizes the importance of emotional intelligence and tactical empathy.
Here are the key lessons from the book:
1. The Power of Tactical Empathy: Understand the emotions of the person you're negotiating with and acknowledge their feelings. This helps to build trust and makes the other party more receptive to your proposals.
2. Active Listening: Listen carefully and intently to the other person. It’s not just about hearing their words, but also about understanding the emotions and intentions behind them.
3. Mirroring: This technique involves repeating the last few words your counterpart has just said. It encourages them to continue talking, and you gain more information while showing that you are engaged and understand their perspective.
4. Labeling: Put a name to your counterpart’s emotions or feelings. For example, "It seems like you are worried about..." This shows empathy and helps in de-escalating emotional situations.
5. Avoid Getting to Yes; Get to "That's Right": Instead of aiming for a simple ‘yes’ which might be a mere agreement to end the conversation, aim for a “that’s right” which shows a deeper understanding and agreement.
6. The Accusation Audit: Before starting the negotiation, list all the negative things the counterpart could say about you and address them proactively. This reduces tensions and increases trust.
7. No Deal is Better Than a Bad Deal: Be willing to walk away from a negotiation. Knowing your limits and the point at which a deal becomes unfavorable is crucial.
8. Use Calibrated Questions: Ask open-ended questions that start with ‘how’ or ‘what.’ This puts the counterpart in a problem-solving mode and can lead to more beneficial outcomes.
9. The Power of “No”: Getting the counterpart to disagree can make them feel safe, secure, and in control, and then more open to finding a constructive solution.
10. Bending Reality Using Anchoring and Ranges: Start with an extreme demand (your anchor) and then use a range to seem more reasonable. This can shift the entire negotiation in your favor.
11. Creating the Illusion of Control: Ask questions and let the other person feel like they are in charge. This can guide the negotiation while allowing the counterpart to feel empowered.
12. Deadlines are Often Flexible: Treat deadlines as flexible. They can often be an artificial construct that can be adjusted to reach a better agreement.
13. Find the Black Swan: Look for the unknown unknowns - small pieces of information that can have a huge effect on the negotiation outcome.
Voss's approach to negotiation transcends the conventional wisdom of compromise by ensuring that one party does not just give in to the demands of the other. Instead, it focuses on understanding the psychology of the counterpart, creating a connection, and finding solutions that satisfy the core interests of both parties.
